Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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