chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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