Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
