There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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