Too much gin, very little bucket
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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