I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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