I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
a search helicopter?!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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