Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
