I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
