This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
