I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
