so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize