Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
