She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
