alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
