If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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