Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize