Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
