I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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