I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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