Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
