Already got asked if we're dating
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
