i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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