He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
