wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
