I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
