Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
