she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
