I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
