break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
