my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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