Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
