it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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