Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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