That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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