If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We have started to decorate penises.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
