You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
