what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
