Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
