obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
