were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
