I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
