Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
