it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
