ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
