i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im holly from the hills drunk
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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