Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
