I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
