some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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