Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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