Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
