who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
