I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
