Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
