thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
