Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
