Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
