I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize