She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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