I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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