Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
