I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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