things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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