okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
