i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
