Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
