i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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