Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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