I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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