I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
