i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
