maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
