and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
