More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My penis needs a shock collar
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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