Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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