i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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